Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 74
The following account is by Bert; an IC summary of the last session. I give +1 character point (XP) for those players who submit a summary for me to post here on the blog. This session was played 2020/07/30.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
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Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger, the survivor
So woi ‘its the road once again, making our bold way ter Marsh ‘all wi’ the bairns in tow, bu’ then thar wuz all this natteration ‘bout ‘ow woi’d split the load o’ the stuff the wagoner’d left wi’ us whan ‘ee skiddaddled. Now, oi thought, thoi’s moi moites, oi’ll lend an’ ‘and: so oi agreed ter carry this buckler that must a weighed all o’ twelve pahnds. Meanwhoile, Darvin ahnly took the food sacks an’ an ‘alberd, leaving ‘Eaveho ter lift the weight o’ the rest.
Once woi’d fettled all this, woi looked barck, an’ saw horsemen leaving the tahn. Woi reckont tha’ thoi must be barron’s men o’ the tahn coming fer us. Reckoning were that the capp’n o’ the guard were running scams an’ running the boys: ee’d no let them go wi’out raising the larum. Woi didn’t fancy foighting wi’ the pigs, so’s Oi skittered inter a nearby field, bringing the bairns wi’ me and shushing them. Good ol’ Darvin ee left a spookery Childerbert wi’ the party ter cover fer moi absence.
Wall, thahn, the rest o’ our merry band waited boi the soide o’ the road, till the filth turned up, an’ started gi’in the ol’ “What ye doin?” thing. Ol’ Miaowee, she gives it all this “Woi’re bain’t not never not doing not’ing, Officer, an’it please yer worship, m’lord.” That’s ‘ow shoi spoke, ter a word. An’ the ol’ boar ‘isself sniffed an’ telt “alroight,” bu’ ‘ee were out lookin’ fer bairns, an’ tha’ some Sister Jarncy o’ the ‘phanage were terribly upset thoi wuz gone.
Now, woi wartched as the rozzers rode barck ter Looknow, an’ the rest o’ oor barnd walked a little ways along the road, ter look all innocent an’ goey, loike. Me an’ the nippers followed in the furrows, an oi whispered ter them all arskingly loike “Oo’s this Jarncy then? She running ‘phanage?” An’ young Mackel were all “Aye” an’ “Aye” bu’ Tod were all loike “Nah” an’ “Nah”, an’ then wee Mackel were all teary, loike, an’ whimpery tha’ ‘ee warnts ter go ‘ome. Oi arsked whoi thoi’d wan’ed ter come wi’ us, sine woi’d anly boi tekkin’ ‘em ter a diff’rent ‘phanage, bu’ all oi got wuz wetworks.
Miaowee troid the same loine o’ questions, an’ got Worryun ter tell them all bout ‘is ‘phanage (which sounded very dull, if’n ye arsk moi) an’ than the bairns decided ter ‘head back ter tahn o’ their own ‘ccord. Miaowee were all “Woi mus’ walk ‘em back” an’ Adam were loike “Bain’t safe, bain’t safe” but the bairns an’ Miaowee were goin’ so we all’s walked on an’ saw them ter the gates, makin’ out ‘sif woi’d found them on our wanders, loike. So’s woi waved the wee ‘uns off, as thoi marched arm in arm barck inter tahn an’ thoi’re inevitable scolding loike the pair o’ innocents thoi are. Thoi’ll boi ‘anged fer thievery one day. The ‘sperience made ol’ Miaowee maudlin’, loike, shoi saw’self in them boys. Moi too, oi’d run orff more times tharn oi ‘ad ‘ot dinners, but yer gotta do what the Lady tells, bain’t ye? Shoi says: “Go explore the ol’ crypt boi the well” an’ offs ye goes.
Woi ‘it the road ‘gain, an’ oi stalked on’ ‘head: Oi took ter moi own thoughts. As the bairns said, thoi warn’t thieving, ‘spite what the law moight says, just borrowin’ what warn’t wanted: bu’ the barony men’ll one day clep’ ‘em thieves an’ it’s the airy jig fer them. T’ain’t fair. Someone needs ter larn bairns loike these ter keep ‘em out of the piggies claws. Oi could end up loike that, but fer now, Oh, Oi, oh, Oi’m still aloive. Hey, Oi’m, o, Oi’m still aloive.
As oi wuz musing, Oi saw this soight ‘far off, bout a moile, a tall feller: not just tall, taller’n tall. Like tall folk, only taller. So’s, oi slunks back quick step ter our barnd, signalling that thar war taller feller ‘head. An’ thoi all said “Woi bain’t seeing no Giant” (Giant, so’s that’s what thoi call’s ‘em, surely thoi’re just gianter?). An oi says “Oi’s the oiyes o’a corby, an oi sees what oi knows an’ knows what oi sees, see ye, if’n ye go see fer ye selves ye’ll see that ye’ll see what oi seen, an’ ye can say ye see whut oi see so’s Oi can say ye see wha’ oi see, ye see.”
Woll, thoi warnt ‘head, an’ woi reckontif’n gianter were comin’ this woi, woi’d best deploy in battle formation, wi’ all our foighter’s ter the fore: nah need ter worry none ‘bout ‘bush – priorities is priorities. At first oi reckont that the Gianter were ‘eading ‘way from us, bu’ ’ee seemed ter turn t’ward us. Darvin put the flyin’ spooky on Miaowee, an’ she went up an’ looked, an’ then sped off t’wards the Gianter, spoilin’ fer a foight, oi reckont. Confidence is a preference fer Miaowee.
Woi all ran arfter ‘er, an’ came to Miaowee, whar shoi’d not foight wi’ the Gianter, but were troin’ ter ‘eal ‘im! Round ‘im were dead Carpicious, ‘oo’d bin ‘berding the Gianter. Wall, if’n baint a cause o’ the wizles baitin’ the brock. Worrying set ter ‘ealing the gianter, whan oi ‘eard this noise, all thundery, an’ Moo lifts ‘er ’ead too: “Incoming” Oi says, spinning round, ter see this troop o’ gadgees in ‘orned ‘elmuts, on ‘orse back an’ wi’ capricious too charging t’ward’s. Miaowee, Moo an’ Whyfore all formed a battle loine. Oi reckont oi’d be best use laying in wait, so’s oi ‘id in a bush, loike thoi say of us whan woi’ve bin fueding, thoi’ve been in tahn while Bergy’s out thar in the bush, getting stronger.
Once woi’d fettled all this, woi looked barck, an’ saw horsemen leaving the tahn. Woi reckont tha’ thoi must be barron’s men o’ the tahn coming fer us. Reckoning were that the capp’n o’ the guard were running scams an’ running the boys: ee’d no let them go wi’out raising the larum. Woi didn’t fancy foighting wi’ the pigs, so’s Oi skittered inter a nearby field, bringing the bairns wi’ me and shushing them. Good ol’ Darvin ee left a spookery Childerbert wi’ the party ter cover fer moi absence.
Wall, thahn, the rest o’ our merry band waited boi the soide o’ the road, till the filth turned up, an’ started gi’in the ol’ “What ye doin?” thing. Ol’ Miaowee, she gives it all this “Woi’re bain’t not never not doing not’ing, Officer, an’it please yer worship, m’lord.” That’s ‘ow shoi spoke, ter a word. An’ the ol’ boar ‘isself sniffed an’ telt “alroight,” bu’ ‘ee were out lookin’ fer bairns, an’ tha’ some Sister Jarncy o’ the ‘phanage were terribly upset thoi wuz gone.
Now, woi wartched as the rozzers rode barck ter Looknow, an’ the rest o’ oor barnd walked a little ways along the road, ter look all innocent an’ goey, loike. Me an’ the nippers followed in the furrows, an oi whispered ter them all arskingly loike “Oo’s this Jarncy then? She running ‘phanage?” An’ young Mackel were all “Aye” an’ “Aye” bu’ Tod were all loike “Nah” an’ “Nah”, an’ then wee Mackel were all teary, loike, an’ whimpery tha’ ‘ee warnts ter go ‘ome. Oi arsked whoi thoi’d wan’ed ter come wi’ us, sine woi’d anly boi tekkin’ ‘em ter a diff’rent ‘phanage, bu’ all oi got wuz wetworks.
Miaowee troid the same loine o’ questions, an’ got Worryun ter tell them all bout ‘is ‘phanage (which sounded very dull, if’n ye arsk moi) an’ than the bairns decided ter ‘head back ter tahn o’ their own ‘ccord. Miaowee were all “Woi mus’ walk ‘em back” an’ Adam were loike “Bain’t safe, bain’t safe” but the bairns an’ Miaowee were goin’ so we all’s walked on an’ saw them ter the gates, makin’ out ‘sif woi’d found them on our wanders, loike. So’s woi waved the wee ‘uns off, as thoi marched arm in arm barck inter tahn an’ thoi’re inevitable scolding loike the pair o’ innocents thoi are. Thoi’ll boi ‘anged fer thievery one day. The ‘sperience made ol’ Miaowee maudlin’, loike, shoi saw’self in them boys. Moi too, oi’d run orff more times tharn oi ‘ad ‘ot dinners, but yer gotta do what the Lady tells, bain’t ye? Shoi says: “Go explore the ol’ crypt boi the well” an’ offs ye goes.
Woi ‘it the road ‘gain, an’ oi stalked on’ ‘head: Oi took ter moi own thoughts. As the bairns said, thoi warn’t thieving, ‘spite what the law moight says, just borrowin’ what warn’t wanted: bu’ the barony men’ll one day clep’ ‘em thieves an’ it’s the airy jig fer them. T’ain’t fair. Someone needs ter larn bairns loike these ter keep ‘em out of the piggies claws. Oi could end up loike that, but fer now, Oh, Oi, oh, Oi’m still aloive. Hey, Oi’m, o, Oi’m still aloive.
As oi wuz musing, Oi saw this soight ‘far off, bout a moile, a tall feller: not just tall, taller’n tall. Like tall folk, only taller. So’s, oi slunks back quick step ter our barnd, signalling that thar war taller feller ‘head. An’ thoi all said “Woi bain’t seeing no Giant” (Giant, so’s that’s what thoi call’s ‘em, surely thoi’re just gianter?). An oi says “Oi’s the oiyes o’a corby, an oi sees what oi knows an’ knows what oi sees, see ye, if’n ye go see fer ye selves ye’ll see that ye’ll see what oi seen, an’ ye can say ye see whut oi see so’s Oi can say ye see wha’ oi see, ye see.”
Woll, thoi warnt ‘head, an’ woi reckontif’n gianter were comin’ this woi, woi’d best deploy in battle formation, wi’ all our foighter’s ter the fore: nah need ter worry none ‘bout ‘bush – priorities is priorities. At first oi reckont that the Gianter were ‘eading ‘way from us, bu’ ’ee seemed ter turn t’ward us. Darvin put the flyin’ spooky on Miaowee, an’ she went up an’ looked, an’ then sped off t’wards the Gianter, spoilin’ fer a foight, oi reckont. Confidence is a preference fer Miaowee.
Woi all ran arfter ‘er, an’ came to Miaowee, whar shoi’d not foight wi’ the Gianter, but were troin’ ter ‘eal ‘im! Round ‘im were dead Carpicious, ‘oo’d bin ‘berding the Gianter. Wall, if’n baint a cause o’ the wizles baitin’ the brock. Worrying set ter ‘ealing the gianter, whan oi ‘eard this noise, all thundery, an’ Moo lifts ‘er ’ead too: “Incoming” Oi says, spinning round, ter see this troop o’ gadgees in ‘orned ‘elmuts, on ‘orse back an’ wi’ capricious too charging t’ward’s. Miaowee, Moo an’ Whyfore all formed a battle loine. Oi reckont oi’d be best use laying in wait, so’s oi ‘id in a bush, loike thoi say of us whan woi’ve bin fueding, thoi’ve been in tahn while Bergy’s out thar in the bush, getting stronger.
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