Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 76

 The following account is by Bert; an IC summary of the last session. I give +1 character point (XP) for those players who submit a summary for me to post here on the blog. This session was played 2020/08/13.

The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.

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Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger, the Castrator*

 So’s, all set woi braced fer the charge o’ the capricious, an’ thar thoi came, all barrelling in.  Ol’ Darvin’s pet dragon-spiky-thing all varnisherated, so’s oi wuz beginning ter think ye can’t not never distrust the spooky.  Thoi ‘eld barck, bleating out orders ter each other, so’s oi thunked, but the Gianter, ‘ee says thoi wuz saying let ‘em ‘ave the gianter, an’ woi could all go our sweet ways.  Well, gianter is as gianter does an’ live or die is as cony years ter moi.  But Oi knows Miaowee an’ Whyfore, thoi’d say, as thoi did, indeed, thoi’d gi’in thar word ter gianter an’ saved’s loife so weren’t gonna leave ‘im ter the capricious an’ the vulgar ter die.
  

 Moi, oi bain’t no coward, none, an oi’m contracted ter the company, an’ oi’ll do moi job boi moi companions.  After all, oi’ve gotten more meals and shiny fer meals from this association than oi never ‘ave.  Now, if’n the Caprircious’d offered shiny fer the gianter, woll, a deal’s a deal, fer all tha’ but they ‘ant so it bain’t an’ woi won’t: the gianter is one o’ us fer the now.

 So, thoi started ter charge us down, all radgee loike,  whan Darvin started ter throw ‘is spookery blasts ter kethunderate the goaties.  Sailor joined in the spookification wi’s sparky tricks, all kezapperating fram many yards as thoi charged’s down.  Thunder and and lightning, very, very fright’ning ter me and ter the capricious.  Woi need some proper name for this koind o’ lightning war.  Jenkin’s loosed ‘is crossbow, an’ smote another down as ‘ee charged.  ‘Andy bit o’ kit that.  The gianter chucked another rocket tham. But the lightning war weren’t not all wun soided: thar were a blast o’ sparky fram the dark soide, which narrowly missed Whyfore.

 This toime, the loine ‘eld, Miaowee an’ Whyfore waited till the foes approached before slicin’ an’ dicing, stepping in an’ out: Miaowee ran one through twice an’ ‘ee just stood loike a statue a moment, asif ‘eed no realoised e’d doid.

 Oi waited till thar were wun wi’s back term oi, an’ than oi dashed out ter gra ‘im.  See, in battle, ye’ve got ter roll wi’ it, yer’ve gotta take yer time, yer gotta say wha’ ye say, don’t let naybody ge’ in yer way, coz ‘tis all too much fer moi ter take if’n oi don’t use moi sneaky ter ‘elp moi friends.  So’s oi dashed beehoind a goaty, an’ grabbed ‘is leg. Whyfore came for’r whoile oi was holding ‘im (an’ the goatee were tryin’ ter back kick moi wi’s spare leg) wafting’s sword around.  Oi grabbed ‘old o’ the old goats balls, an’ oi fear the shock o’ me touch musta stopped’s ‘eart, as ‘ee fell down stone cold.  Oi never meant ter kill ‘im, just put the pains on.

 One capricious’d run round our flank, but ol’ Darvin ‘ee flew I’ the air, an’ iced the bugger wi’ some more’s spooky.  Another bunch were ‘eading ter our van, but Sailor put the sparky on’s staff an’ zapped another wi’it.  The gianter’d bin waftin’s club all ‘round, bu’ ‘ee finally ‘it wun, an’ spread goat jam o’ the floor.  It seems term oi, looking barck, tha’ the capricious were goin’ fer the giat rather than fer us.

 Oi rolled off moi victim, an’ saw tha’ two goatee wizardy toipes war on the field. Miaowee were troin’ ter kill wun, bu’ shoi sort o’ kept stutterin’ an’ freezin’, loike.  Oi rushed o’er ter ‘elp, but Darvin’d just flow over an’ ice picked t’other spooky bugger, an’ boi the tome oi wuz near the wun on Miaowee, Darvin’d flown o’er an’ iced ‘im too. Scary bit o’ spooky that.

 Wi’out drawing breath, Miaowee called fer us ter reform the loine: thar were more to come, an’ this toime’d it’d be ‘orses.  Mebbe woi’ve bloodied thar noses enough, an’ show this is too costly a battle, but thoi seemed careless o’ thar own loives before, oi don’t see’s ‘ow thoi’ll gi’ up now.

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(*GM's note: No caprinid was actually castrated in the making of this session.)