Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 61

 The following is an IC summary written by Childerbert's player. The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.

 As usual, I am giving +1 character point (XP) for those players that submit a summary for me to post here on the blog.

---

 So, well, woi got back to the Keep.  Ol’ Darvin set off on’s witterings about lore and stuff again: ‘im wi’ all ‘is book larnin’ an scrollery.  Hemmu, she went off on a natter ‘bout ‘er Axe: one axe in particular call Ann.  An the cat set about ‘er ‘iring an’ the loike.

 Jenkins muttered sommat about moi being moany.  “Oi bain’t none moany” says Oi, “Loife’s too short fer the moanin’”  Then, curious as yer loike, ‘ee muttered sommat term oi about bein’ sure.  Oi said Oi be a sure o’ moi name an’ no’ much more: only the Lady is sure.  Ee said ‘twas sommat about a sure party. Well, Oi just shuck me ‘ead and wen’ off.  Oi reckon there’s sommat wrong wi’ ‘is ‘ead, loike, full o’ strange notions an’ the loike.  He’s keen on the shiny mind, kept showing it to moi.  Maybe ee as asking if oi was sure twas shiny?

 Any ‘ow, I sat down wi’ our knickermancer, ‘oos name is Sandra, as I’ turns out. Now, we went to the inn main room, where we shared the food an’ drink (though Oi ‘ad to borrow some shiny to pass around, which is always a fun game).  Everyone was pleased to see ol’ Bert there, loife an’ soul o’ the party that oi am.  Mebbe that was wha’ Jenkins were on abart?

 Now, Sandra telt moi she were an orphan, an’ got picked up by this Knickermancer cult, ‘oo follow some guy called Sandy Mack, the Re-tuned, ‘oos some sort of Harbringer.  They reckon the world’s about to end, and this Sandy feller will eat their souls if they don’t do as telt.  Plain barmy if’n ye ask moi.  The world cannot end, it just is, till the lady says ‘tis different, ‘tis all.  But if Sand Mack says ‘ee be ‘ere to end the world the that make ‘im a great dafty.

 Any ‘ow, she wuz all nervy about whether the cult’d get ‘er, an’ trusting us to let ‘er go.  So’s Oi telt ‘er that Childerbert is wha’ Childerbert does, an’ ‘ee’s as long as ‘ee’s tall an’ a square cony fer all tha’.  By the lady, oi swore, tha’lt be as snug as kit wi’ doe i’ the warren by midsummer, if’n Oi bain’t not Reynard nor nothin’.  That made things clear, an’ seemed to reassure ‘er.

 Next morning, wi’ moi ‘ead like a sore kizwhatsy, wo set orff agin, back to the Caves of Careloss, as Oi calls ‘em.  Woi did’nt creep in none, just charged away, and we runs into an honour guard o’ somebodies in armour, would you believe. Now, ol’ MIaowee, she seems ter’ve learned ‘erself, and she didn’t go chargin’ ’ead, but kept wi’ the line, like a pup i’ the den.  Now, woi made short work o’ them, but oi fare near ran into ol’ Darvin, oi’d skittered and skattered to get a gap to get round the back, an’ bless moi, there’ee is roight in me path: but I’didn’t matter none, as the somebodies was all downed.

 Well, Miaowee telt us that thee’d been an ell ‘ound, but it’d skiddaddled some while woi wuz fightin’ the somebodies.

 So, she led us through the tunnels, roight ‘nough, back to where the Gordon’d bin, only, bain’t tharr, Darvin tells us: well, there’s a skizzle, an’ no mistake, coz that means the knickermancers’ve got a Gordon can turn us all to stone.  Well makes no mistake, we’re in a pickle if we’re gonna stop Sandy Mack.

 Thus, Darvin and Merry’un says woi should all us ‘ead ter the temple an’ puts paid to their altar.  Offs we rush, an’ finds an empty room wi’ checked floor, pillars and a dirty great arras.  Now, on the altar were some shiny, but Darvin got to that first, wi’ ‘is smellykinesis.  Oi went an’ sulked in the corridor, an’ then Darvin magiced the arras all afire.  As it burnt, Oi swear oi ‘eard a ghostly voice.

 So, woi reckoned if’n the knickermancers bain’t I’ the temple, they must be in the crypt.  So, off we rushed, and blows me, if’n…