Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Sessions 62 thru 64
The following is an IC summary written by Childerbert's player. The massive fight took over 2 sessions, and remainder of the time was dealing with the fallout. The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
As usual, I am giving +1 character point (XP) for those players that submit a summary for me to post here on the blog.
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So, woi goes charging in to this sanctum, or whatever ye calls it. Well, Oi must say, by the Lady, my bowels were loike a cunny warren boi a lake at the risin’ o’ the spring flood. The room had this devilish red glow, an’ twere stuffed to the gunnels wi’ somebodies, all armoured an’ feisty looking: more’n Oi’ve fingers and toes twice over Oi’d reckon.
Well, that were loike a red glowing room full of somebodies to a cat person wi’ a sword, which is of course, what it actually was. Miaowee were off n’ in, slicing an’ dicing away wi’ Mr Staby, followed boi all our brave foighting folk. They all plunged in the same direction, leaving Somebodies to try an’ surround us.
Well, young Childerbert, thinks Oi, this is the call to action. Our rearguard were in the firing loine, an Oi reckoned Oi oughta troi an get round the back o’ the somebodies, oi rushed to the one on the edge, and troid ter slip ‘im off of ‘is feet. The undead monster swished ‘is blade in front o’ moi ‘and, so’s Oi couldn’t get a grasp straight away, so oi grabbed ‘is sword arm. Now, as ‘ee pulled away, the bugger next to ‘im brought a fearful blow dow on moi shoulder such as oi’ve never felt afore, Oi staggered back, defending moiself, then truned to run, and get clear down the corridor, where Oi’d have a better chance of defending moiself.
No such luck for old Ingoberger’s on, though. Oi ‘eard this door open behind moi, an’ all these slakingtons comes rushing out, an oi found myself face to frining face wi’ a flaming skull. Oi’d o’ not noticed, oi was in blind panic, when ol’ Jenkins shouted out to me. Oi ‘eld moi ground, an’ it seemed all a sudden loike the slakingtons and somebodies stopped moving: Oi think ‘twas the lady looking out fer moi.
Oi was in a lot of pain, so, the rest o’ the battle is a bit of a blur, Oi found moi way to Worry’un, Oi think, an asked ‘im if’n ‘ee could ‘eal me up a touch, thining Oi moiht be able to return to the fray. Skin wi’ ‘oles in is no good to a cony. ‘Ee touched moi, an’ blow me if’n Oi didn’t feel more fighting fit ‘n ‘fore. Oi looked, an’ the battle looked to be nigh o’er: Whyfore, Miaowee an’ Darvin wuz all I’ the air skitter skattering ‘bout, Emmu were all radgee, loike, smiting away an’ covered i’ blood. Gregious were runnin’ after Emmu. Oi saw Mace were out fer the count, an’ Wory’un were tryin’ to help, while Miriam just stood there praying. Oi thought Oi’d ‘elp Worry’un.
That took moi attention till the end o’ the slaughter, as our fighters made short work o’ the rest o’ the slakingtons and somebodies.
Whet were all done, Oi went for the ter look at the evil Altars, an’ someone warned moi not to touch them coz they wuz cursed or somat: an’ they looked it, i’ that wicked red glow, seamless marble black an’ white. They ‘ad a shiny to ‘em, if’n any bugger could lift ‘em, loike, grace a warren as leif as loike.
But, then, Oi saw some arguing going on at the throne: an’ what a throw, all covered in shiny, as big as yer ‘ead. Jewels. Miriam were shoutin’ at Darvin, over some such pother or other, and whiles they was about that, Oi set to work lifting the stones.
Now, Oi got a few, but ‘ad to step inter the throne, an Oi ‘eard this voice:
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE THIEF
Bain’t no thief, say Oi.
-YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT YOU LARCENOUS MORSEL
So’s Oi will, says Oi, b’ain’t no thief, Oi pays moi way like any respectable tradesman.
-I WILL EAT YOUR BODY AND DEVOUR YOUR SOUL
Now, that was just darft, no bugger can eat a soul, not even the Lady, soul is what soul does from cony ter brock they have they soles.
Now, while Oi was chatting, Miriam tried ter drag moi off’n the throne, but Darvin, bless ‘im, dragged ‘er away wi’ ‘is spooky. Oi jumped off the throne ter remonstrate, when Whyfore jumps at me wi’ ‘is shield, Oi skittered clear, and thn Miaoee troid ter grab me. Why the aristos of the bunch suddenly turned on moi, Oi can’t say, maybe they wanted the shiny, their sort always does, don’t they?
Oi tried ter trip Whyfore, but ‘ee just knocked moi down wi’ ‘is shield. Well, that got moi riled. “Yer mother were a goat” Oi says, an’ ‘ee slammed the ‘ilt o’ ‘is sword inter the floor by moi ‘ead. So, the Oi uttered the worst insult oi could imagine: “Yer mother was a fine lady!” That didn’t phase ‘im none. Oi ‘eard jorry threaten ter arrer Darvin.
Then, an’ it ‘urts moi soul ter say this, young, innocent Childerbert, ‘oose no prouder’n’s tall, a respectibe locksmith an trader, was tied up by this aristo thug. Oi couldn’t understand why ‘ee’d do this, lest ‘ee were a thieving wretch.
This seemed to be the case, as they wuz all trying to get Darvin to ‘and over ‘is bag o’ trinkets ‘ee’d do found in t’other room. They argued back an’ forth, an’ Darvin agreed to let ‘is sack be dragged along on the floor. Well, they promised to let ‘im do that safely, so down ‘ee comes. Then, blow moi, Miaoee jumps an’ grabs ‘im from behind. So much for the word of aristos.
Then, Miriam drew ‘er blade on ‘im. “’Elp, murder” thinks Oi, the rober’s is going to slitour throats, after all of this. Oi nearly as loike ran away at that point, but Darvin, ‘ee backed down, an’ ‘anded the sack o’er to them, so’s Oi thought Oi’d est stay wi’ ‘im against this band of cut throats we’ve fallen in wi’.
Well, that were loike a red glowing room full of somebodies to a cat person wi’ a sword, which is of course, what it actually was. Miaowee were off n’ in, slicing an’ dicing away wi’ Mr Staby, followed boi all our brave foighting folk. They all plunged in the same direction, leaving Somebodies to try an’ surround us.
Well, young Childerbert, thinks Oi, this is the call to action. Our rearguard were in the firing loine, an Oi reckoned Oi oughta troi an get round the back o’ the somebodies, oi rushed to the one on the edge, and troid ter slip ‘im off of ‘is feet. The undead monster swished ‘is blade in front o’ moi ‘and, so’s Oi couldn’t get a grasp straight away, so oi grabbed ‘is sword arm. Now, as ‘ee pulled away, the bugger next to ‘im brought a fearful blow dow on moi shoulder such as oi’ve never felt afore, Oi staggered back, defending moiself, then truned to run, and get clear down the corridor, where Oi’d have a better chance of defending moiself.
No such luck for old Ingoberger’s on, though. Oi ‘eard this door open behind moi, an’ all these slakingtons comes rushing out, an oi found myself face to frining face wi’ a flaming skull. Oi’d o’ not noticed, oi was in blind panic, when ol’ Jenkins shouted out to me. Oi ‘eld moi ground, an’ it seemed all a sudden loike the slakingtons and somebodies stopped moving: Oi think ‘twas the lady looking out fer moi.
Oi was in a lot of pain, so, the rest o’ the battle is a bit of a blur, Oi found moi way to Worry’un, Oi think, an asked ‘im if’n ‘ee could ‘eal me up a touch, thining Oi moiht be able to return to the fray. Skin wi’ ‘oles in is no good to a cony. ‘Ee touched moi, an’ blow me if’n Oi didn’t feel more fighting fit ‘n ‘fore. Oi looked, an’ the battle looked to be nigh o’er: Whyfore, Miaowee an’ Darvin wuz all I’ the air skitter skattering ‘bout, Emmu were all radgee, loike, smiting away an’ covered i’ blood. Gregious were runnin’ after Emmu. Oi saw Mace were out fer the count, an’ Wory’un were tryin’ to help, while Miriam just stood there praying. Oi thought Oi’d ‘elp Worry’un.
That took moi attention till the end o’ the slaughter, as our fighters made short work o’ the rest o’ the slakingtons and somebodies.
Whet were all done, Oi went for the ter look at the evil Altars, an’ someone warned moi not to touch them coz they wuz cursed or somat: an’ they looked it, i’ that wicked red glow, seamless marble black an’ white. They ‘ad a shiny to ‘em, if’n any bugger could lift ‘em, loike, grace a warren as leif as loike.
But, then, Oi saw some arguing going on at the throne: an’ what a throw, all covered in shiny, as big as yer ‘ead. Jewels. Miriam were shoutin’ at Darvin, over some such pother or other, and whiles they was about that, Oi set to work lifting the stones.
Now, Oi got a few, but ‘ad to step inter the throne, an Oi ‘eard this voice:
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE THIEF
Bain’t no thief, say Oi.
-YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT YOU LARCENOUS MORSEL
So’s Oi will, says Oi, b’ain’t no thief, Oi pays moi way like any respectable tradesman.
-I WILL EAT YOUR BODY AND DEVOUR YOUR SOUL
Now, that was just darft, no bugger can eat a soul, not even the Lady, soul is what soul does from cony ter brock they have they soles.
Now, while Oi was chatting, Miriam tried ter drag moi off’n the throne, but Darvin, bless ‘im, dragged ‘er away wi’ ‘is spooky. Oi jumped off the throne ter remonstrate, when Whyfore jumps at me wi’ ‘is shield, Oi skittered clear, and thn Miaoee troid ter grab me. Why the aristos of the bunch suddenly turned on moi, Oi can’t say, maybe they wanted the shiny, their sort always does, don’t they?
Oi tried ter trip Whyfore, but ‘ee just knocked moi down wi’ ‘is shield. Well, that got moi riled. “Yer mother were a goat” Oi says, an’ ‘ee slammed the ‘ilt o’ ‘is sword inter the floor by moi ‘ead. So, the Oi uttered the worst insult oi could imagine: “Yer mother was a fine lady!” That didn’t phase ‘im none. Oi ‘eard jorry threaten ter arrer Darvin.
Then, an’ it ‘urts moi soul ter say this, young, innocent Childerbert, ‘oose no prouder’n’s tall, a respectibe locksmith an trader, was tied up by this aristo thug. Oi couldn’t understand why ‘ee’d do this, lest ‘ee were a thieving wretch.
This seemed to be the case, as they wuz all trying to get Darvin to ‘and over ‘is bag o’ trinkets ‘ee’d do found in t’other room. They argued back an’ forth, an’ Darvin agreed to let ‘is sack be dragged along on the floor. Well, they promised to let ‘im do that safely, so down ‘ee comes. Then, blow moi, Miaoee jumps an’ grabs ‘im from behind. So much for the word of aristos.
Then, Miriam drew ‘er blade on ‘im. “’Elp, murder” thinks Oi, the rober’s is going to slitour throats, after all of this. Oi nearly as loike ran away at that point, but Darvin, ‘ee backed down, an’ ‘anded the sack o’er to them, so’s Oi thought Oi’d est stay wi’ ‘im against this band of cut throats we’ve fallen in wi’.
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