Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 50
The following is an IC summary written by Bert's player. I make no claims to intelligibility of Childerbert's regional accent, but his manner of speech is certainly entertaining....
As usual, I am giving +1 CP for those players that submit a summary for me to post here on the blog.
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So, blows moi ‘if i’ don’ pays well t’ be an’Obb. Woi, well, Oi, searched the bodies of the ‘Obbs, and found plenty shillings in they pockets. The elf ‘ad set abart ‘is grizzley trophy collectin’ an’ ‘ad’ ‘ad th’ ears off all the cadavres as soon as yeh loike, b’the Lady. The rest of us fell to talkin’, an’ ol’ Darvin worried so that the Necromarncers would raise th’ ‘Obbs bodies, and should we do ought abart tha’? Well, Lady Miao reckoned we should leave ‘em to the corbies, and I reckoned all was right wi’ tha’, it’d be what the Lady would want, and what the Lady wants is good by the Lady, so we piled ‘em up an’ left ‘em t’ rot.
I’ were then tha’ we noticed th’ Elf ‘ad gorn. Vanished, loike. Now, Oi reckons ‘ee’d gone orf on some witchy elf quest all ‘is own. Don’t do to question the ways o’ Elves, if the Lady’ll Pardon. But tha’ put us in all o’ a tither. Ow’d we find our way wi’out witchy elf ways? Now, Oi wuz all for goin’ on, the caves ought t’ be just ahead, and we could tramp till we found: but ol’ Miao, she reckoned we needed local guides, an’ more men. So’s we ‘eaded barck t’ town again, all tails between our legs, loike.
Oi says town, Oi’ve seen grander, ‘tis a poor an’ oppressed place this Keep an’ its village, bu’, still, me an ol’ Miao, we sparkled the place up a touch when we ‘it th’Inn. “Beers fer me friends” cries Oi on entering, and blows me if Oi weren’t the one wi’ most friends I’ the room that day. Miao sets te’ ‘iring: reckon she don’ know much ‘bout th’ ‘ire o’ working folk, she were willing to pay all up front fer our guide, a canny lassy called Ulia, ‘oo wuz straight as a coney warren an’ make no mistake. Lucky fer uz. Says she “We leave I’ the hour, an’ Oi’ll ‘ave yez there an’ that’s an end o’ i’”, straight as loike, b’ the Lady. Twa shillings fer an arfternoon’s work. The Lady looks arfter some. Yeh’ve been I’ the wrong game, young Childerbert, thinks Oi. Well, yez in I’ now, and shillings is what shillings does, if the Lady doesn’t tarry.
While Oi finished me beer, ol’ Miaoey ‘ired a couple more likely strong arm lads, fit as spring conies I’ th’ warren. Gregus an’ Mace. In case ‘Obbs get round behin’ the killing zone again, an’ Sister and Broither an’ ol’ Jenkins get struck again. Miao, she seemed most concern fer Jenkins: she’s awful fond fer ‘im, ‘im being ‘er servant, an’ moi ol’ ma used to say “Yez need to watch Marsters an’ Mistresses tha’ gets the eye fer the servants, lest they’s get yez inta trouble.” Well, that’s allers bin the sort of trouble ol’ Childerbert don’t mind, but Oi ‘opes ol’ Jenkins ‘as is eyes open, coz when the nobs want theys gets, if yeh see what Oi mean. An’ tha’ nob scratches, Oi reckon.
So, Ulia were worth ‘er pay, and lickety split we were at this ravine full o’ caves, an’ Oi said: “Young Childerbert can be worth ‘is pay now, an’ Oi’ll go down and spot ou’ an’ describe the caves below, sees if we c’n work out where the Necromarncers be.” An’ w’ that, off Oi goes, a creeping an’ a leaping shrub to bush all downs the the ravine, puttin’ on the unsparkle, if yez know what Oi means. An Oi is lookin’ an’ account, an’ Oi sees a cave full o’ the Kobolds, an’ Oi sees a cave all ‘idden by bushes, and Oi sees caves ‘igh an’ low, and Oi returned, all unseen, loike, back to the Company.
So’s Oi describe what Oi ‘as seen: Ulia’d said there’d be a quarter two dozen caves, an’ she were right. She pointed one out t’ be goblin warren an’ all,m but said, before she left us, job well done, that she didn’ know what were in the other caves.
So, Lassy Miaoey fells to debating, and decided us tha’ we’d be doing a kindness an’ a job o’ work, if we just took on the goblin cave: they’ve been a raiding and a wrecking round these parts, an’ they needs a good smack o’ the nose. Well, Oi don’t knows about thart, Oi thought we were about the Lady’s work and looking out fer necromarncers, but Oi kept me ‘ead down and said “Don’t yeh go meddling in affairs, young Childerbert, Miaoey an’ Darvin ‘ave the companies good name in ‘and, just yeh do yer job, which yeh’ve been doing well, an’ the Lady will provide.” Still, Lord and Ladies talk o’ honour, bu’ Miao, she talked o’ Goblin gold, if yez sees what Oi means.
Inter the cave we went. We’ve spent much o’ the March talking about what went wrong when we fought th’Obbs. Too many o’ us got too badly ‘urt, an’ Young Darvin, ‘ee beats ‘isself up sommat chronic o’er it. Says Oi/: “We won, an’ we’re still ‘ere, we just need to sticks together, like a coney to its skin”. An’ the others all tossed it back an’ forth like while we walked, bu’, to keep a long tail bairn ‘igh, we set out our battle order, wi’ Ol’ Childerbert as the scout at the front (made easier since Jenkins agreed to carry my padlocks – Oi’d though o’ dumping them, coz of the weight, which woulda been a wrench since they’re moi life’s savings: but Oi thought, “Well, there’s more shillings in these killings, poor Childerbert, lets them go” – which was kind o’ ‘im – an Oi gave Darvin me torch, reckoning oi’d not need it an I’ bein’ so ‘eavy, loike). Miao, Darvin an’ Mace made up the front row, wi’ Miriam, Warian and Jenkins I’ th’ van, and Gregus watching all our backs.
Straight inter the cave, an Oi hears a noise, an’ we’re straight inta a bunch o’ Gobs on guard. Well, befores yez can say Catastrophe, Miao’s inta them and cuttin’ ‘em down: it’s easier fer ‘er when folks ‘as no room to run round or away, yez sees. Darvin, all fired up to shows ‘is metal casts ‘is death magic on the poor blighters: an’ then theys waz all dead before yez could blink, bless the Lady. Oi led us on, an’ got arrered fer me pains, but twas just a scrartch.
Miao, forgetting about sticking close, starts to run on ahead, up some stairs towards the rest o’ the Gobs. An’ Oi thinks te meself, well, Childerbert, she needs some poor bugger at ‘er back, an that poor bugger is Moi. So, off oi goes, on ‘er ‘eals.
As usual, I am giving +1 CP for those players that submit a summary for me to post here on the blog.
---
So, blows moi ‘if i’ don’ pays well t’ be an’Obb. Woi, well, Oi, searched the bodies of the ‘Obbs, and found plenty shillings in they pockets. The elf ‘ad set abart ‘is grizzley trophy collectin’ an’ ‘ad’ ‘ad th’ ears off all the cadavres as soon as yeh loike, b’the Lady. The rest of us fell to talkin’, an’ ol’ Darvin worried so that the Necromarncers would raise th’ ‘Obbs bodies, and should we do ought abart tha’? Well, Lady Miao reckoned we should leave ‘em to the corbies, and I reckoned all was right wi’ tha’, it’d be what the Lady would want, and what the Lady wants is good by the Lady, so we piled ‘em up an’ left ‘em t’ rot.
I’ were then tha’ we noticed th’ Elf ‘ad gorn. Vanished, loike. Now, Oi reckons ‘ee’d gone orf on some witchy elf quest all ‘is own. Don’t do to question the ways o’ Elves, if the Lady’ll Pardon. But tha’ put us in all o’ a tither. Ow’d we find our way wi’out witchy elf ways? Now, Oi wuz all for goin’ on, the caves ought t’ be just ahead, and we could tramp till we found: but ol’ Miao, she reckoned we needed local guides, an’ more men. So’s we ‘eaded barck t’ town again, all tails between our legs, loike.
Oi says town, Oi’ve seen grander, ‘tis a poor an’ oppressed place this Keep an’ its village, bu’, still, me an ol’ Miao, we sparkled the place up a touch when we ‘it th’Inn. “Beers fer me friends” cries Oi on entering, and blows me if Oi weren’t the one wi’ most friends I’ the room that day. Miao sets te’ ‘iring: reckon she don’ know much ‘bout th’ ‘ire o’ working folk, she were willing to pay all up front fer our guide, a canny lassy called Ulia, ‘oo wuz straight as a coney warren an’ make no mistake. Lucky fer uz. Says she “We leave I’ the hour, an’ Oi’ll ‘ave yez there an’ that’s an end o’ i’”, straight as loike, b’ the Lady. Twa shillings fer an arfternoon’s work. The Lady looks arfter some. Yeh’ve been I’ the wrong game, young Childerbert, thinks Oi. Well, yez in I’ now, and shillings is what shillings does, if the Lady doesn’t tarry.
While Oi finished me beer, ol’ Miaoey ‘ired a couple more likely strong arm lads, fit as spring conies I’ th’ warren. Gregus an’ Mace. In case ‘Obbs get round behin’ the killing zone again, an’ Sister and Broither an’ ol’ Jenkins get struck again. Miao, she seemed most concern fer Jenkins: she’s awful fond fer ‘im, ‘im being ‘er servant, an’ moi ol’ ma used to say “Yez need to watch Marsters an’ Mistresses tha’ gets the eye fer the servants, lest they’s get yez inta trouble.” Well, that’s allers bin the sort of trouble ol’ Childerbert don’t mind, but Oi ‘opes ol’ Jenkins ‘as is eyes open, coz when the nobs want theys gets, if yeh see what Oi mean. An’ tha’ nob scratches, Oi reckon.
So, Ulia were worth ‘er pay, and lickety split we were at this ravine full o’ caves, an’ Oi said: “Young Childerbert can be worth ‘is pay now, an’ Oi’ll go down and spot ou’ an’ describe the caves below, sees if we c’n work out where the Necromarncers be.” An’ w’ that, off Oi goes, a creeping an’ a leaping shrub to bush all downs the the ravine, puttin’ on the unsparkle, if yez know what Oi means. An Oi is lookin’ an’ account, an’ Oi sees a cave full o’ the Kobolds, an’ Oi sees a cave all ‘idden by bushes, and Oi sees caves ‘igh an’ low, and Oi returned, all unseen, loike, back to the Company.
So’s Oi describe what Oi ‘as seen: Ulia’d said there’d be a quarter two dozen caves, an’ she were right. She pointed one out t’ be goblin warren an’ all,m but said, before she left us, job well done, that she didn’ know what were in the other caves.
So, Lassy Miaoey fells to debating, and decided us tha’ we’d be doing a kindness an’ a job o’ work, if we just took on the goblin cave: they’ve been a raiding and a wrecking round these parts, an’ they needs a good smack o’ the nose. Well, Oi don’t knows about thart, Oi thought we were about the Lady’s work and looking out fer necromarncers, but Oi kept me ‘ead down and said “Don’t yeh go meddling in affairs, young Childerbert, Miaoey an’ Darvin ‘ave the companies good name in ‘and, just yeh do yer job, which yeh’ve been doing well, an’ the Lady will provide.” Still, Lord and Ladies talk o’ honour, bu’ Miao, she talked o’ Goblin gold, if yez sees what Oi means.
Inter the cave we went. We’ve spent much o’ the March talking about what went wrong when we fought th’Obbs. Too many o’ us got too badly ‘urt, an’ Young Darvin, ‘ee beats ‘isself up sommat chronic o’er it. Says Oi/: “We won, an’ we’re still ‘ere, we just need to sticks together, like a coney to its skin”. An’ the others all tossed it back an’ forth like while we walked, bu’, to keep a long tail bairn ‘igh, we set out our battle order, wi’ Ol’ Childerbert as the scout at the front (made easier since Jenkins agreed to carry my padlocks – Oi’d though o’ dumping them, coz of the weight, which woulda been a wrench since they’re moi life’s savings: but Oi thought, “Well, there’s more shillings in these killings, poor Childerbert, lets them go” – which was kind o’ ‘im – an Oi gave Darvin me torch, reckoning oi’d not need it an I’ bein’ so ‘eavy, loike). Miao, Darvin an’ Mace made up the front row, wi’ Miriam, Warian and Jenkins I’ th’ van, and Gregus watching all our backs.
Straight inter the cave, an Oi hears a noise, an’ we’re straight inta a bunch o’ Gobs on guard. Well, befores yez can say Catastrophe, Miao’s inta them and cuttin’ ‘em down: it’s easier fer ‘er when folks ‘as no room to run round or away, yez sees. Darvin, all fired up to shows ‘is metal casts ‘is death magic on the poor blighters: an’ then theys waz all dead before yez could blink, bless the Lady. Oi led us on, an’ got arrered fer me pains, but twas just a scrartch.
Miao, forgetting about sticking close, starts to run on ahead, up some stairs towards the rest o’ the Gobs. An’ Oi thinks te meself, well, Childerbert, she needs some poor bugger at ‘er back, an that poor bugger is Moi. So, off oi goes, on ‘er ‘eals.
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