Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 71
The following account is by Bert; an IC summary of the last session. I give +1 character point (XP) for those players who submit a summary for me to post here on the blog. This session was played 2020/07/02.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
---
More confessions of Ingoberger the Hungry
‘Fore woi left the keep woi ‘ad decisions ter make: ter ‘ead off own our own or ter join a caravarn. Now, Oi arsked ‘bout them keys the knickermancer kult were prophesied ter be nicking that woi wuz ‘ired ter stop – now Miaowee, shoi gets all touchy loike whan Oi says ‘ired, she sez woi wuz arsked, but Oi says woi wuz ‘ired, woi’re a partnership an’ woi’re in business, loike, but that’s boi the boi – which way barck would get us there in toime Now, Worrying, ‘ee reminds us that the prophesy said ‘twould be on the conjunction o’ the moons, which is termorra. Well, makes no odds than if’n woi’ll miss the date anyhow, ‘ow woi go, but as Miaowee said, slower but surer’s berrer’n quick an’ lost, which meant us goin’ boi caravarn.
Now, sees ‘ere, this is where Oi gets confused, if’n a prophersy says knickermancers will be key nickering, an’ than woi goes an’ kills knickermancers so thar’ll be no nickering tha’ means thar bain’t no prophersy no nor prophersying so’s woi bain’t done nothing nor stopped nothing else’n the prophersy would be us killing knickermancers none, no. But if’n bain’t proppersay than woi wouldn’t not never haven’t gorne ter kill the knickermancers. Well, Worrying said proppersay wuz only fer them to be trying, so woi’ve changed that: but thoy can’t not try if’n bain’t ‘live, none. Suppose the Lady’d understand, if’n she cared, but reckon she’d not mind none, and coney wi’out a head don’t worry no lettuce.
In any case, Jenkins turned up wi’ our trail rations ‘eed bought whoile we wuz a’ market. Oi shelled oot on a healing potion, reckon wi’out Merrying woi need to alls ‘ave potions just in case, so. So, orff woi hiked all around the one wagon making the windy way barck ter Marsh ‘All.
Well, ‘twas a stern hike fer the little legs o’ this Halfling, an’ the ground were ‘ard fer the sleeping on, loike. Woi made good way through through these wildy parts, on rough roads tha’ wound through the skirts o’ the forrest. Now, moi, oi’m a country boy, but, ye ken, fer moi that’s rollin’ ‘ills, farms and copised woodland, proper managed boi folks. The wilds be a different thing, untamed an’ untrammelled. The road woi were on were barely more’n the dried ruts o’ previous wagon trains. Them woods were full o’ beasts an’ shadows: danger lurked at every turn, oi’ reckont.
So, Oi scouted ‘ead, keepin’ a beady eye oot. Well, blows moi, ifn’t oi bain’t a seein skulkies I’ the wood, coming up mansized. Now, Oi’ll admit, Oi seed ‘em only whan thoi wuz close, an’ looks loike, looking barck, oi missed some. But, Oi ‘alted the caravan, an’ signalled danger ‘ead, so woi wuz not caught boi surprise, but wi’ our arms ready. Miaowee shouted to form up boi the wagon, an ‘strue woi’ve bin ‘ere fore that folks rush ‘ead an’ get surrounded an’ need rescuing, so oi turns on moi ‘eals and oi runs barck ter the van, only ter see tha’ reckless Moo lassie running straight inter the danger.
Woll, oi ‘eard the snappy squelch as shoi cut an arm off’n our attackers: oi barely saw them at this toime, but could tell they wuz all bestial, loike, an’ oi could’ear their foul breath as thoi ran arfter moi. Oi saw Darvy lift one wi’ Billy ‘ead inter ‘air wi’s spooky, but saw another comin’ on our unguarded flank, so oi’ darted round an’ tried ter grab the bugger from behind: he ran orff, an’ to ‘is death at the ‘ands of Miaowee.
As oi looked around, a bolt o’ loightning struck the ground near the wagon: thoi ‘ad thar own spooky! Oi saw more Billy faced barstards comin’ up on Moo, an’ so Oi skittered round tham ter ‘tack. Oi remember larst toime woi wuz bushed in the woods, an’ it makes so much diff’rence not being laden down. Oi got inter scuffling wi’ the goatee feller, when oot o’ nowhere, Miaowee plain ol’ slams inter bugger, and sets ‘er own foight wi’ im. Lucky for moi, ‘twas a near thing as ‘ee near knacked moi wi’s ‘Alberd. A burst o’ loightning sparked the floor boi me, an’ Oi thought, that spooky is dang’rous stuff, Oi still recall the burn oi got from Madam.
Oi decided ter look fer thar spooky chucker, an oi spotted ‘im, an’ pointed the way. Ol’ Darvin must o’ seen ‘im too, bu’ oi were nearer. Turned oot tha’ Miaowee’d laid oot ‘er foe, an’ shoi shot parst moi arfter ‘im, oi thought, woll, if’n all our foighters are running forthe, oi’d better spoi out in case thar’d be more o’ the buggers at our side or barck.
Well, spooky bugger got away, an’ the foight were o’er. Woi ‘ad a prisoner. Lookin’ at the beasty boys, thar were some wi’ shoat’s ‘eads and some wi’ billies. Darvy said thoi wuz capricious an’ thoi’d bin the ones as’d o’errun Perrior the kingdom next door, so looks loike thoi wuz raiding inter Loscany noo. ‘Parently thoi eats folks, but so does bears an’ thar’s eatin’ o’ bears. Looked loike thar’d be good billy stew on these werebillies. Reckon thoi look too much loike folks for most folks ter eat if’n less thoi wuz mighty peckish (an’ oi wuz sommat peckish).
Oi knows most folks reckon on yer cannot eat things wi’ minds, but oi reckons ‘tis koinds ye cannot eat, an’ obviously, e’en in leanest winter Halfling koind’d never eat mankind. Thas ne’er ‘appened. Ye ‘ear, ne’er, boi the lady, may she stroike moi wi’ great anger and furious vengeance if’n bain’t true.
Darvy ‘ad ‘is prisoner, an’ were all set ter just murder ‘im, Oi said that bain’t roight, an’ Miaowee reckont mercy is what makes us bain’t be beasts (mebbe that’s the rule, yer don’t eat the merciful). Darvy boy troid ter talk ter the billyman, bu’ ‘ee jus’ bleated an’ struggled. Darvin used ‘lusion ter show ‘im ‘isself dropping sword an’ running off, coz Oi reckon ‘ee got it, an’ i’ ran off inter the woods. The caravanner weren’t ‘appy, but woi’d saved ‘is wagon and tain’t roight ter slay in cold blood less’n ‘tis fer food or necessity. The Lady wants all ter be free, weasel stoat or coney.
Anyway, oi set to checkin’ the fallen, seein’ if’n thoi ‘ad oot thoi’d not miss, an’ a few were still ‘loive, so woi set ter fixin’ ‘em up: Worrying ‘ad kit ‘ee let moi use, an’ ‘ee used ‘iss divine spooky ter ‘eal ‘em. Woi partched ‘em up, an’ then one o’ the billies bit moi, cheeky bugger. Miaoee grabbed ‘im, an’ troi’d ter march ‘im off, but ‘ee struggled an’ attacked so. ‘Ee wouldn’t just go, an’ kept attacking.
Suffice ter say, Miaoee slew ‘im. As she said, ‘ee’d spurned mercy, an’ she’d larnt now not to try give mercy to the Capricious. Oi ‘ope t’asn’t ‘ardened ‘er ‘eart ‘gainst mercy, the lady’d no loike tha’.
As woi sat under the noight sky, woi could see three o’ the five moons: Oi’d ne’er saw more’n two in the sky in moi born days. Woi could ‘ear the bleat’s an’ ‘owls o’ the pogges an’ billies I’ the forrest in some sort o’ revel. Sure spooked the wagoner, oo looked pleased wi’s fer protecting ‘im.
When the billy eats from the pogge's trough the coney mun go hungry but the billy'll bleat the dawn louder'n chauntecleer, oi said, and turned in, Oi didn’t loike missing the party.
Oi only ‘ope that conjuction o’ moons don’t mean tha’ sommat bad’s ‘appened at Marsh ‘All an the keys really are un-nickered.
Now, sees ‘ere, this is where Oi gets confused, if’n a prophersy says knickermancers will be key nickering, an’ than woi goes an’ kills knickermancers so thar’ll be no nickering tha’ means thar bain’t no prophersy no nor prophersying so’s woi bain’t done nothing nor stopped nothing else’n the prophersy would be us killing knickermancers none, no. But if’n bain’t proppersay than woi wouldn’t not never haven’t gorne ter kill the knickermancers. Well, Worrying said proppersay wuz only fer them to be trying, so woi’ve changed that: but thoy can’t not try if’n bain’t ‘live, none. Suppose the Lady’d understand, if’n she cared, but reckon she’d not mind none, and coney wi’out a head don’t worry no lettuce.
In any case, Jenkins turned up wi’ our trail rations ‘eed bought whoile we wuz a’ market. Oi shelled oot on a healing potion, reckon wi’out Merrying woi need to alls ‘ave potions just in case, so. So, orff woi hiked all around the one wagon making the windy way barck ter Marsh ‘All.
Well, ‘twas a stern hike fer the little legs o’ this Halfling, an’ the ground were ‘ard fer the sleeping on, loike. Woi made good way through through these wildy parts, on rough roads tha’ wound through the skirts o’ the forrest. Now, moi, oi’m a country boy, but, ye ken, fer moi that’s rollin’ ‘ills, farms and copised woodland, proper managed boi folks. The wilds be a different thing, untamed an’ untrammelled. The road woi were on were barely more’n the dried ruts o’ previous wagon trains. Them woods were full o’ beasts an’ shadows: danger lurked at every turn, oi’ reckont.
So, Oi scouted ‘ead, keepin’ a beady eye oot. Well, blows moi, ifn’t oi bain’t a seein skulkies I’ the wood, coming up mansized. Now, Oi’ll admit, Oi seed ‘em only whan thoi wuz close, an’ looks loike, looking barck, oi missed some. But, Oi ‘alted the caravan, an’ signalled danger ‘ead, so woi wuz not caught boi surprise, but wi’ our arms ready. Miaowee shouted to form up boi the wagon, an ‘strue woi’ve bin ‘ere fore that folks rush ‘ead an’ get surrounded an’ need rescuing, so oi turns on moi ‘eals and oi runs barck ter the van, only ter see tha’ reckless Moo lassie running straight inter the danger.
Woll, oi ‘eard the snappy squelch as shoi cut an arm off’n our attackers: oi barely saw them at this toime, but could tell they wuz all bestial, loike, an’ oi could’ear their foul breath as thoi ran arfter moi. Oi saw Darvy lift one wi’ Billy ‘ead inter ‘air wi’s spooky, but saw another comin’ on our unguarded flank, so oi’ darted round an’ tried ter grab the bugger from behind: he ran orff, an’ to ‘is death at the ‘ands of Miaowee.
As oi looked around, a bolt o’ loightning struck the ground near the wagon: thoi ‘ad thar own spooky! Oi saw more Billy faced barstards comin’ up on Moo, an’ so Oi skittered round tham ter ‘tack. Oi remember larst toime woi wuz bushed in the woods, an’ it makes so much diff’rence not being laden down. Oi got inter scuffling wi’ the goatee feller, when oot o’ nowhere, Miaowee plain ol’ slams inter bugger, and sets ‘er own foight wi’ im. Lucky for moi, ‘twas a near thing as ‘ee near knacked moi wi’s ‘Alberd. A burst o’ loightning sparked the floor boi me, an’ Oi thought, that spooky is dang’rous stuff, Oi still recall the burn oi got from Madam.
Oi decided ter look fer thar spooky chucker, an oi spotted ‘im, an’ pointed the way. Ol’ Darvin must o’ seen ‘im too, bu’ oi were nearer. Turned oot tha’ Miaowee’d laid oot ‘er foe, an’ shoi shot parst moi arfter ‘im, oi thought, woll, if’n all our foighters are running forthe, oi’d better spoi out in case thar’d be more o’ the buggers at our side or barck.
Well, spooky bugger got away, an’ the foight were o’er. Woi ‘ad a prisoner. Lookin’ at the beasty boys, thar were some wi’ shoat’s ‘eads and some wi’ billies. Darvy said thoi wuz capricious an’ thoi’d bin the ones as’d o’errun Perrior the kingdom next door, so looks loike thoi wuz raiding inter Loscany noo. ‘Parently thoi eats folks, but so does bears an’ thar’s eatin’ o’ bears. Looked loike thar’d be good billy stew on these werebillies. Reckon thoi look too much loike folks for most folks ter eat if’n less thoi wuz mighty peckish (an’ oi wuz sommat peckish).
Oi knows most folks reckon on yer cannot eat things wi’ minds, but oi reckons ‘tis koinds ye cannot eat, an’ obviously, e’en in leanest winter Halfling koind’d never eat mankind. Thas ne’er ‘appened. Ye ‘ear, ne’er, boi the lady, may she stroike moi wi’ great anger and furious vengeance if’n bain’t true.
Darvy ‘ad ‘is prisoner, an’ were all set ter just murder ‘im, Oi said that bain’t roight, an’ Miaowee reckont mercy is what makes us bain’t be beasts (mebbe that’s the rule, yer don’t eat the merciful). Darvy boy troid ter talk ter the billyman, bu’ ‘ee jus’ bleated an’ struggled. Darvin used ‘lusion ter show ‘im ‘isself dropping sword an’ running off, coz Oi reckon ‘ee got it, an’ i’ ran off inter the woods. The caravanner weren’t ‘appy, but woi’d saved ‘is wagon and tain’t roight ter slay in cold blood less’n ‘tis fer food or necessity. The Lady wants all ter be free, weasel stoat or coney.
Anyway, oi set to checkin’ the fallen, seein’ if’n thoi ‘ad oot thoi’d not miss, an’ a few were still ‘loive, so woi set ter fixin’ ‘em up: Worrying ‘ad kit ‘ee let moi use, an’ ‘ee used ‘iss divine spooky ter ‘eal ‘em. Woi partched ‘em up, an’ then one o’ the billies bit moi, cheeky bugger. Miaoee grabbed ‘im, an’ troi’d ter march ‘im off, but ‘ee struggled an’ attacked so. ‘Ee wouldn’t just go, an’ kept attacking.
Suffice ter say, Miaoee slew ‘im. As she said, ‘ee’d spurned mercy, an’ she’d larnt now not to try give mercy to the Capricious. Oi ‘ope t’asn’t ‘ardened ‘er ‘eart ‘gainst mercy, the lady’d no loike tha’.
As woi sat under the noight sky, woi could see three o’ the five moons: Oi’d ne’er saw more’n two in the sky in moi born days. Woi could ‘ear the bleat’s an’ ‘owls o’ the pogges an’ billies I’ the forrest in some sort o’ revel. Sure spooked the wagoner, oo looked pleased wi’s fer protecting ‘im.
When the billy eats from the pogge's trough the coney mun go hungry but the billy'll bleat the dawn louder'n chauntecleer, oi said, and turned in, Oi didn’t loike missing the party.
Oi only ‘ope that conjuction o’ moons don’t mean tha’ sommat bad’s ‘appened at Marsh ‘All an the keys really are un-nickered.
Comments
Post a Comment