Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 68
The following account is by Bert; an IC summary of the last session. I give +1 character point (XP) for those players who submit a summary for me to post here on the blog. This session was played 2020/06/11.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
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Well, now, woi alls decided to rests a week, loike, since woi’d been exerting oursels in fighting the nickermancers so. Oi spent the toime in exercise an’ practice, an’ a koind farmer let me wrastle some wi’s pigs. Oi feel oi’ve larnt some in those dank caves, an can ‘andle moiself better. Wrastling som’bdies not bain’t loike no wrastling not wi’ no drunk oo’s just lent ye money, none. Oi felt in finer fettle ‘n’ oi’d felt in moi loife, faster an’ stronger.
Woi woz jus’ I’the inn, whan in comes this person all yclad in purple an’ blue robes an’ the loike, wi’ staff in’s ‘and. Now, ‘Emmu kent ‘em as kin o’ the sort, an’ went up ter ‘em, an’ she surprised us boi asking fer old lady Miaowee, said ‘ee ‘ad a lerrer frum some geezer in the city. Well, Miaowee, swish swish tail went on o’er an’ snatched the lerrer an’ read it: said this ‘ere Madam, a Seller, as bin recommended o’ us boi the Whizzarrds. Reckont she were a bi’ o’ a wizzy ‘isself: so ol’ Darvin goes an’ scopes ‘er out, asking darft questions ter check ‘er bona fides, all tha’ ol’ school tie stuff, loike. Anyway, Madam, ‘oo looks loike a bloke ter me, but least said soonest, ye ken, she mucks aboot wi’ magick, loike, so can look ‘ow she wills.
Anywoi, she were in luck, as woi were discussing going ter finish Miaowee’s hobbley business wi’ the erks. Woi ‘ad some discussion about a shield that ‘ad belonged to a previous erk chief woi’d slain, an’ then we discussed ow woi would go deal wi’rks an’ collect tha’ chief’s ‘ead. Oi reckont woi should parlay: if’n the erks offert‘z money ter go away, woi could collect frum them an’ fulfil both contracts. Miaow reckon that bain’t honourable, but oi says contract is as contract is, straight as a cony warren be straight an’ collecting both contracts that bain’t each other from both sides o’ the warren is a good way to put food o the table. Miaowee don’t reckon that way.
But, honour is as honour is, so’s Oi said, let’s ‘ave less bloodshed, then, ye go an’ call out the chief, if’n you win, tha get’s is ‘ead, else ‘ee gets thine. Well, our lady stabber felt this were a good bargain, an’ so she agreed ter this plan, ‘an ‘emmu said she’d parlay fer us.
Warian led us the worn way ter the caves, an’ we luckily got there wi’out incident, an’ so woi reached the cave mouth. ‘Emmu shouted out in Erksprak. They shouted back, an’ the long ‘and the short were that they weren’t gi’ing up their gaffer, so woi lit up our torches, an’ Emmu an’ MIaowee led us inter the cave: Oi ran arfter, thinking, thoi need moi at the front ter spot things. As it turned out, they should ‘ave let young Ingoberger go first. Woi stepped onter a crossroads in the caverns.
Wump! Oi leapts barck as this net drops on the lead o’ our party. Ambush! Oi knews woi wuz in trouble, our three chief foighters were enveloped in tha’ net. Wi’out e’en pausing fer though, oi skitter o’er the net an’ round, as Oi ‘eard erks approaching from one soide. Oi got ter the other soide o’ the crossroads, an’ made s’if Oi’d skiddaddled down t’other way. Oi dowsed moi loight, so’s ter better hide.
Meanwhile, ol’ Darvin cries out all big an’ fearsome so tha’ the erks would ‘ave to foight ‘im else they tried ter’urt ‘is companions. I couldn’t see, but it sounded loike ‘ee afeart the urks. They called out we could leave un’armed. Warrian called out tha’ ‘ee surrendered, as did Miaoee. They must’a thought the urks ‘ad us at their mercy, an’ OI can’t say that Oi disagree, reckon if’n Darvin ‘and’t acted swift, they woulda bin able ter stab our companions through the net loike Reynard in the coop.
Now, Madam, shoi lets blarst wi’ er Magick, an’ lighting forked its way through one o’ th’erks. Thoi rushed forward, an’ then it were all a blur, Whyfore cut ‘is way through the net, ‘Emmu eaved ‘erself free an’ threw Axam (you’d think, given ‘ow she’s always so desperate to get it barck she’d no throw the bugger). Oi crouched at a corner, an’ leapt forward, ter grab an urk. The floor were all slippy, loike, reckon Darvin ‘ad bin at work again, so the urk Oi attacked fell o’er, so Oi let ‘im go, but then grabbed an’ snapped ‘is foot: that took ‘im out o’ the foight, an’ oi reckon tis better’n killin’ ‘em.
The rest o’ the Erks retreated, but sounds o’ reinforcements coming could be ‘eard. Woi all regrouped on t’other soide o’ the crossroads. ‘Emmu retrieved Axam, an’ then Madam cast this wall o’ sparky ter keep us safe.
Woi woz jus’ I’the inn, whan in comes this person all yclad in purple an’ blue robes an’ the loike, wi’ staff in’s ‘and. Now, ‘Emmu kent ‘em as kin o’ the sort, an’ went up ter ‘em, an’ she surprised us boi asking fer old lady Miaowee, said ‘ee ‘ad a lerrer frum some geezer in the city. Well, Miaowee, swish swish tail went on o’er an’ snatched the lerrer an’ read it: said this ‘ere Madam, a Seller, as bin recommended o’ us boi the Whizzarrds. Reckont she were a bi’ o’ a wizzy ‘isself: so ol’ Darvin goes an’ scopes ‘er out, asking darft questions ter check ‘er bona fides, all tha’ ol’ school tie stuff, loike. Anyway, Madam, ‘oo looks loike a bloke ter me, but least said soonest, ye ken, she mucks aboot wi’ magick, loike, so can look ‘ow she wills.
Anywoi, she were in luck, as woi were discussing going ter finish Miaowee’s hobbley business wi’ the erks. Woi ‘ad some discussion about a shield that ‘ad belonged to a previous erk chief woi’d slain, an’ then we discussed ow woi would go deal wi’rks an’ collect tha’ chief’s ‘ead. Oi reckont woi should parlay: if’n the erks offert‘z money ter go away, woi could collect frum them an’ fulfil both contracts. Miaow reckon that bain’t honourable, but oi says contract is as contract is, straight as a cony warren be straight an’ collecting both contracts that bain’t each other from both sides o’ the warren is a good way to put food o the table. Miaowee don’t reckon that way.
But, honour is as honour is, so’s Oi said, let’s ‘ave less bloodshed, then, ye go an’ call out the chief, if’n you win, tha get’s is ‘ead, else ‘ee gets thine. Well, our lady stabber felt this were a good bargain, an’ so she agreed ter this plan, ‘an ‘emmu said she’d parlay fer us.
Warian led us the worn way ter the caves, an’ we luckily got there wi’out incident, an’ so woi reached the cave mouth. ‘Emmu shouted out in Erksprak. They shouted back, an’ the long ‘and the short were that they weren’t gi’ing up their gaffer, so woi lit up our torches, an’ Emmu an’ MIaowee led us inter the cave: Oi ran arfter, thinking, thoi need moi at the front ter spot things. As it turned out, they should ‘ave let young Ingoberger go first. Woi stepped onter a crossroads in the caverns.
Wump! Oi leapts barck as this net drops on the lead o’ our party. Ambush! Oi knews woi wuz in trouble, our three chief foighters were enveloped in tha’ net. Wi’out e’en pausing fer though, oi skitter o’er the net an’ round, as Oi ‘eard erks approaching from one soide. Oi got ter the other soide o’ the crossroads, an’ made s’if Oi’d skiddaddled down t’other way. Oi dowsed moi loight, so’s ter better hide.
Meanwhile, ol’ Darvin cries out all big an’ fearsome so tha’ the erks would ‘ave to foight ‘im else they tried ter’urt ‘is companions. I couldn’t see, but it sounded loike ‘ee afeart the urks. They called out we could leave un’armed. Warrian called out tha’ ‘ee surrendered, as did Miaoee. They must’a thought the urks ‘ad us at their mercy, an’ OI can’t say that Oi disagree, reckon if’n Darvin ‘and’t acted swift, they woulda bin able ter stab our companions through the net loike Reynard in the coop.
Now, Madam, shoi lets blarst wi’ er Magick, an’ lighting forked its way through one o’ th’erks. Thoi rushed forward, an’ then it were all a blur, Whyfore cut ‘is way through the net, ‘Emmu eaved ‘erself free an’ threw Axam (you’d think, given ‘ow she’s always so desperate to get it barck she’d no throw the bugger). Oi crouched at a corner, an’ leapt forward, ter grab an urk. The floor were all slippy, loike, reckon Darvin ‘ad bin at work again, so the urk Oi attacked fell o’er, so Oi let ‘im go, but then grabbed an’ snapped ‘is foot: that took ‘im out o’ the foight, an’ oi reckon tis better’n killin’ ‘em.
The rest o’ the Erks retreated, but sounds o’ reinforcements coming could be ‘eard. Woi all regrouped on t’other soide o’ the crossroads. ‘Emmu retrieved Axam, an’ then Madam cast this wall o’ sparky ter keep us safe.
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