Confessions of Childerbert Ingoberger - Session 69
The following account is by Bert; an IC summary of the last session. I give +1 character point (XP) for those players who submit a summary for me to post here on the blog. This session was played 2020/06/18.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
The usual disclaimer about the intelligibility of Bert's regional accent applies.
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The confessions of Ingoberger the Hungerer
The loightning wall parted loike the curtains at a Phessio playhouse performance, an’ our drama began. Thar thar be Urks, Erks ‘s far as the Eye could see, streaming out o’ the darkness o’ the tunnel ‘ead. Awful fierce they looked too. But, behind the loightning wall, woi’d prepared. Now, Ol’ Childerbert were worried tha’ magick being what magick be the wall would’t larst an’ would let ‘em in when we wussn’t ready. As it were, woi was loike the coiled spring in one o’ them fancier locks wi’ pins an’ the loike – you know the ones, y’ave ter jiggle and press the pins down ter fettle the tumbler ter release – s’long as ye do it in the roight order: slows you down so they do. But, anyway, woi wuz ready to bounce loike one o’ them springs. Specially Miaoee.
She sprang f’ard, loike one o’ those rotational ‘arrow’s ye ‘ear folks speculating will change the way farming works, letting folks churn up soil just boi pushing a contraption wi’ blades an’ the loike that spin on a pivot. Snicker snatter ‘er blade was loike a sabre o’ loight flickin’ in an’ out o’view as she ran through fearsome creatures.
From what oi saw, briefly, we wuz facing the biggest fiercest warriors o’ the troibe, clamouring to make thar way inter the cave woi’d made our redoubt. But would it be our tomb?
Darvin flew o’er ‘ead, and ‘ee took a fearsome blow ter the leg, and fell from th’air loike a raggedly doll ‘is leg all bent, loike, an’ useless. Then thar were this terrumptious BOOM! As the bomb ‘ee close on lost ‘is loife chucking larnded behind th’urks. It lit the foe up loike a band o shadows: ‘ow can Oi say this, thoy became loike one writhing silhouetted monster, from the dreams o’ the beyond toimes, an’ then when the dark returned some stood stock still, thar ‘eads a’ringing loike the town bell.
Oi skeetered a stone out o’ moi sling at the Urk that laid Darvin low, but missed moi mark wi’ all the glooming, loike. Than, the world were full o’ loight, an’ pain, I ‘ad no toime ter figure out what ‘appened: moi back were cooked, and o stood a jiggerin an’ a shakin’. Oi ‘eard some sort o’ exclamation fram behoid moi. Turns out, Oi were telt later, that Madam Sailor ‘ad called ‘er loightning inter moi barck. Fer all oi knew she didn’t mean it, but it did remoind me that magick is as dangerous an’ unpredictable as a corby wi’ razor in’s beak.
As Oi shook moi ‘ead an’ tried ter clear it, Eyeful an’ ‘Emmu burst forward and started their killing. Looking back, Oi ‘ave this vivid sensation o’ the difference between them: ‘Emmu all wild an flowing, powerful an’ fierce, while Whyfore is koind of stately, inevitable, almost as if ‘ee don’t move an’ people just fall apart dead in front o’ ‘im. Oi lost sight o’ Heaveho, but from what oi ‘eard arfter, ‘ee charged down an entire pack o’ urk she archers, wi’ nary a scratch on ‘im ee sent ‘em ascattering.
Oi remember Jenkin’s loosing’s crossbow – ‘andy bit o’ kit that but fearful slow o’ the reload. Then oi came barck to moi senses, and felt Worrying’s ‘and upon me, an’ the pain in moi barck ‘easing. So, oi returned to the fray: in toime ter see the loight stone that Darvin’d earlier slung down the corridor come back wi’ some force an’ narrowly miss Miaowee. Oi caught a brief glimpse o two ugly erks: one a big brute in armour that must o’ been thar chief; an’ ‘nother wi’ starff that must o’ bin a whizzardy urk o’ sorts. Oi set moi beady eye on ‘im, as Emmu charged down thar chief.
Woi’d lost vison from tha’ tunnel now tweren’t lit, so, as oi reached inter moi pouch for fresh slug fer moi sling, oi’d slipped moi loightstone twixt little finger an’s next. Then, Oi flung tha’ loight stone down ter the feet o’ the wiazzardy urk. As it sailed through the air, streaking a trail of loight behind it, Oi saw ‘Emmu clash wi’ the Urk chief. Twas loike a battle from legend, both moved wi’ speed an grace an’ wi’ raw strength. In moi moind, everything seemed to slow down, as ‘Emmu were struck a fearsome blow in the midriff, an’ just roared wi’ rage an’ swung ‘er weapon back at the chief. Tit fer tatt they exchanged blows that could have killed a hundred Ingobergers.
Oi shouted out ter Madam tha’ she should repeat ‘er trick ‘o creatin’ a loightning wall ter reduce the numbers o’ forces we wuz facing, particular archers, loike. In the end, Darvin came up wi’ a way ter do that wi’ one o’s lusions. ‘Ee put an semblance o’ wall across the tunnel, wi’ “Leave” writ on’t.
Oi reckont tha’ the wizard were a serious threat, so Oi flung a slug at ‘im, then troid ter run round an’ grab the bugger: grab ‘em an’ strangle ‘e is the way oi reckons ter fettle wizards. Oi ‘ad to leap moi way o’er the mound o’ fallen an’ groaning an’ dying orks, wi’ the floor slipperywi’thar blood an offal. Woll, ‘ee ran away from moi, an’ went ter’is chief ‘oo obliged ‘im boi taking a few swipes at poor Childerbert, but oi tumbled an’ wove, an’ got moiself out o’ ‘is reach.
Oi saw Miaowee step in front o’ ‘Emmu who were now more blood’n skin, an’ Miaowee ran the bugger through a’ sliced ‘im up, but ‘ee kept swinging back, despite ‘isself ‘aving more blood out than in. Whyfore arrived, an ‘ee started at the stabbing at the brute, wi’ Miao slipping her sword thrusts round ‘im. Blocked from ‘er foe, and showing no signs o’ bein’ slowed down by pain, ‘Emmu ran round and cut down the whizzard.
Oi ran in an’ ‘ad a troi at tripping the chieftarn up, but oi missed, an’ saw ‘im swing’s sword o’er moi ‘ead ter ‘ave a few chops at Madam. Then ‘Emmu rolled o’er me, and she cut the chief down wi’ a mighty stroke. She roared ‘er triumph in moi face. Oi weren’t frightened none.
Woi limped out, dragging the chief wi’s armour an’ all behind us. Woi ‘ad come fer ‘im, and we ‘ad got im.
She sprang f’ard, loike one o’ those rotational ‘arrow’s ye ‘ear folks speculating will change the way farming works, letting folks churn up soil just boi pushing a contraption wi’ blades an’ the loike that spin on a pivot. Snicker snatter ‘er blade was loike a sabre o’ loight flickin’ in an’ out o’view as she ran through fearsome creatures.
From what oi saw, briefly, we wuz facing the biggest fiercest warriors o’ the troibe, clamouring to make thar way inter the cave woi’d made our redoubt. But would it be our tomb?
Darvin flew o’er ‘ead, and ‘ee took a fearsome blow ter the leg, and fell from th’air loike a raggedly doll ‘is leg all bent, loike, an’ useless. Then thar were this terrumptious BOOM! As the bomb ‘ee close on lost ‘is loife chucking larnded behind th’urks. It lit the foe up loike a band o shadows: ‘ow can Oi say this, thoy became loike one writhing silhouetted monster, from the dreams o’ the beyond toimes, an’ then when the dark returned some stood stock still, thar ‘eads a’ringing loike the town bell.
Oi skeetered a stone out o’ moi sling at the Urk that laid Darvin low, but missed moi mark wi’ all the glooming, loike. Than, the world were full o’ loight, an’ pain, I ‘ad no toime ter figure out what ‘appened: moi back were cooked, and o stood a jiggerin an’ a shakin’. Oi ‘eard some sort o’ exclamation fram behoid moi. Turns out, Oi were telt later, that Madam Sailor ‘ad called ‘er loightning inter moi barck. Fer all oi knew she didn’t mean it, but it did remoind me that magick is as dangerous an’ unpredictable as a corby wi’ razor in’s beak.
As Oi shook moi ‘ead an’ tried ter clear it, Eyeful an’ ‘Emmu burst forward and started their killing. Looking back, Oi ‘ave this vivid sensation o’ the difference between them: ‘Emmu all wild an flowing, powerful an’ fierce, while Whyfore is koind of stately, inevitable, almost as if ‘ee don’t move an’ people just fall apart dead in front o’ ‘im. Oi lost sight o’ Heaveho, but from what oi ‘eard arfter, ‘ee charged down an entire pack o’ urk she archers, wi’ nary a scratch on ‘im ee sent ‘em ascattering.
Oi remember Jenkin’s loosing’s crossbow – ‘andy bit o’ kit that but fearful slow o’ the reload. Then oi came barck to moi senses, and felt Worrying’s ‘and upon me, an’ the pain in moi barck ‘easing. So, oi returned to the fray: in toime ter see the loight stone that Darvin’d earlier slung down the corridor come back wi’ some force an’ narrowly miss Miaowee. Oi caught a brief glimpse o two ugly erks: one a big brute in armour that must o’ been thar chief; an’ ‘nother wi’ starff that must o’ bin a whizzardy urk o’ sorts. Oi set moi beady eye on ‘im, as Emmu charged down thar chief.
Woi’d lost vison from tha’ tunnel now tweren’t lit, so, as oi reached inter moi pouch for fresh slug fer moi sling, oi’d slipped moi loightstone twixt little finger an’s next. Then, Oi flung tha’ loight stone down ter the feet o’ the wiazzardy urk. As it sailed through the air, streaking a trail of loight behind it, Oi saw ‘Emmu clash wi’ the Urk chief. Twas loike a battle from legend, both moved wi’ speed an grace an’ wi’ raw strength. In moi moind, everything seemed to slow down, as ‘Emmu were struck a fearsome blow in the midriff, an’ just roared wi’ rage an’ swung ‘er weapon back at the chief. Tit fer tatt they exchanged blows that could have killed a hundred Ingobergers.
Oi shouted out ter Madam tha’ she should repeat ‘er trick ‘o creatin’ a loightning wall ter reduce the numbers o’ forces we wuz facing, particular archers, loike. In the end, Darvin came up wi’ a way ter do that wi’ one o’s lusions. ‘Ee put an semblance o’ wall across the tunnel, wi’ “Leave” writ on’t.
Oi reckont tha’ the wizard were a serious threat, so Oi flung a slug at ‘im, then troid ter run round an’ grab the bugger: grab ‘em an’ strangle ‘e is the way oi reckons ter fettle wizards. Oi ‘ad to leap moi way o’er the mound o’ fallen an’ groaning an’ dying orks, wi’ the floor slipperywi’thar blood an offal. Woll, ‘ee ran away from moi, an’ went ter’is chief ‘oo obliged ‘im boi taking a few swipes at poor Childerbert, but oi tumbled an’ wove, an’ got moiself out o’ ‘is reach.
Oi saw Miaowee step in front o’ ‘Emmu who were now more blood’n skin, an’ Miaowee ran the bugger through a’ sliced ‘im up, but ‘ee kept swinging back, despite ‘isself ‘aving more blood out than in. Whyfore arrived, an ‘ee started at the stabbing at the brute, wi’ Miao slipping her sword thrusts round ‘im. Blocked from ‘er foe, and showing no signs o’ bein’ slowed down by pain, ‘Emmu ran round and cut down the whizzard.
Oi ran in an’ ‘ad a troi at tripping the chieftarn up, but oi missed, an’ saw ‘im swing’s sword o’er moi ‘ead ter ‘ave a few chops at Madam. Then ‘Emmu rolled o’er me, and she cut the chief down wi’ a mighty stroke. She roared ‘er triumph in moi face. Oi weren’t frightened none.
Woi limped out, dragging the chief wi’s armour an’ all behind us. Woi ‘ad come fer ‘im, and we ‘ad got im.
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